It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
