Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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