end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
