Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dick very happy bro
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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