I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
