I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
