My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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