I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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