well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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