my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
