The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
