i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
