Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
