Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I pour the whiskey from now on
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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