Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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