Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
