K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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