I smell stomach acid.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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