I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
