Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
