i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
