We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
