I wish I could teleport
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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