i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
