my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
