Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
