Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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