dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
