I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it glows. i had to have it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
3pm strippers are depressing
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
