Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
