I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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