Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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