Barsexuality is the new black.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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