I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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