So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
50% drunk capacity currently
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
