there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
