I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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