When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
