My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
