Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
