i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
