i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
