none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
