I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
