please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
