I can't watch pbs sober anymore
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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