for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
