god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
