okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
