ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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