i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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