How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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