forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
