just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
