What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
