So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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