There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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